wow it's been a while

So life has been rough. But I'm finally doing the independent thing. I got a new job AT LAST! James is almost out of prison, and he's gonna come back to LA as soon as possible :)

I'm trying to find a house to rent with Neal and my current roommate Caleigh, and so far we've found a lot of places but we just gotta get down and do the damn thing..... so many phone calls to be made!!! >.<


Growing up is hard to do, I didn't think it would be easy...but MY GOD is it a pain!!!

They took him away

It's not fair, but there was no running from this. I miss him so much. But I promised I'd be strong for the both of us.

his last words as a free man:
"I love you baby I'll see you soon I promise"

Time to get out the stamps and envelopes. He's my world, and a lot of my time has since been freed up into empty space...I'll fill it with things that have to do with him and us. Nobody can replace or fill in for all the minutes of my day that I'm not using to talk to my man.


James, baby, I love you with my whole heart and I'll wait as long as it takes till I get to be in your arms again.

fuck writing watch this instead....

Jus a Few More Days

till I get outta here...for a month.


I fucking need this.


Goals:

1. sell stuff, make money
2. get my fucking license
   
3. make better bogs
4. get my body back (by that I mean, force feed myself and start doing the stairs)
   
5. write a letter every day
   
6. donate/sell my frumpy clothes
7. get a hold of some flattering clothing for a change
8. start to figure out what I want to do for summer
9. convince my parents to let me move off campus for next fall
10. get 500 for a police auction car
11. keep my spirits up and stop starving myself

Seems reasonable. But right now I gotta get through finals week first.

psychology: Final on Monday. STUDY all 400 words and 180 True and False
art: Finished
public speaking: Finished. Go to last class at 1PM on Tuesday
computers 101: Finish finals
critical thinking: Get together with my group for the final presentation

Today I gotta get some food though. My pantry is empty and I sold a book yesterday for $27... and I only want to spend $10 on food to last me for the next 4-5 days. So I'm gonna go buy a huge pizza from little ceasars and steal from the cafeteria, because they had it coming...

Hi

Trying...actually...no

I'm not really trying to keep my head above water...I'm just about at that point where I'm almost okay with drowning.

I ate 1 hard boiled egg today, cranberry juice with ice, and 1 1/2 chicken tacos

Why does food disgust me?
Why can't I differentiate between being full and being sick to my stomach?
I'm so lost and upset. I've forgotten how to eat. I've lost my appetite.
James is upset, I'm upset. I feel ugly, I feel sick.
Maybe it's time to get some real help.

Shaking

I just don't know what to say about anything right now.

Happy Thanksgiving.

My man is going to jail, my grandpa had a stroke, my step grandma got taken off life support, I finally admitted that I have an eating disorder, and I'm broke and can't afford to even take the bus to get away from here for a minute.

I haven't written in a while because there's just been so much that I really can't write about, just yet at least. God, why?

The only thing I look forward to is nighttime when I can take my sleeping pill and be out cold for a few hours. I've been too depressed for nightmares, or any kind of dream for that matter.

The only thing I have left in this world is my homework. At least I don't do what I did to myself in that old photo of mine.




How pathetic.